Sunday, June 12, 2011

A lot of Semen...Seamen

So, the first online encounter I had in Florida was about a month or so after I moved to the land of palm trees. I hadn't talked to him online much but he seemed pretty out going and not shy. We decided to meet for coffee at Starbucks. He lived about an hour and ten minutes from me at the time in the largest city in the area, but we decided to meet halfway in between, so that neither was put out. I told him I would text him when I left my house so that he could estimate when he would need to leave. Of course, I left my house and drove for about 20 minutes before I ever texted him. I wanted to ensure that I got there first and was able to check out the area scene, etc. (you can never be too careful). I arrived in plenty of time and I parked my car where I had a good view of the people coming in and out of both the parking lot and Starbucks. In true Florida style, there was a ton of outdoor seating, so I was happy. I was also able to observe all the people there from my car. I was shocked at the number of highschoolers and teeny boppers at Starbucks, oh well.

So when he arrived he called me, and I was looking for the person on the cell phone. I spotted him and what type of vehicle was he getting out of.....a YELLOW HUMMER. Can any other vehicle please scream douche bag any louder?? I didn't think this would go well. So I kind of was evasive on whether or not I was there and watched his mannerisms and him wander around the parking lot. I finally gave in and let me know I was sitting in my car in front of the neighboring bank. He walked up to my car, I got out and shook his hand and we headed in to Starbucks.

Now after the YELLOW HUMMER incident I was definitely gonna judge his coffee order. He didn't get coffee but Soy, Chai Tea, like the EXTRA HUGE ONE. So still a little douchey.  He did offer to pay, and wouldnt let me pay when I argued, so this actually was a good start compared to several other guys I would go out with in the future. We settled in to a table outside.

So we started talking and what I first noticed was he was WAYYYYYY hotter than any of his photos online. He also had a GREAT body and I learned why as our conversation headed from what you do for a living all the way to fitness and how you keep in shape. He was super into Crossfit. (After meeting him I have always wanted to try Crossfit, but since I live in old people 'ville the closest one is 50 min away).

He was 28 and a  full-time college student at USF and worked part time at Publix as a stocker in the meat department. So, I know what you are probably thinking....."why did you go out with him in the first place?" He had actually been in the Navy for 6 years and then got out of the Navy to go to college. He ended up going to school part time while working for two years and then decided that he wanted to go back into the Navy as an officer and as a pilot and applied for a ROTC scholarship at USF and received it, so he would be going back into the Navy as an officer after graduation. So, anyone who knows me knows I have the SOFTEST spot for military guys, so he had a definite in.

So that is why from now on, he will be known as Seamen.

So the conversation flowed pretty naturally, he was SUPER talkative and had some weird mannerisms, but it really was great to be out and doing something. I was drinking my hot chocolate pretty slow and was very comfy at Starbucks and felt good about how it was going. He had SLURPED own his HUGE tea and I had barely put a dent in my hot chocolate when he was like "Are you ready?" "For what..." "I thought we'd head down to the pier, if this was going well...."

He got a big score there from me...He actually had thought about it in advance and had asked me what I was interested in and knew I would like Florida things....Score for him.

I hesitantly decided to get in the yellow hummer and we took one car out to the Pier. It was about a 10-15 min drive, but the conversation kept flowing. So all was good. The beach was beautiful and the Pier was long and extended far into the ocean. It cost 50 cents to get on the Pier and it also cost to park (glad we only took one car, I was broke at this time) we walked out on the Pier and the view was breathtaking. The city was lit up and huge hotels and condo complexes lined the beach. A few people were fishing, but the water was so clear that you could see the fish. I think the fish could see us too and weren' stupid. The pier had lights shining down in the water and the fish seemed to glow beneath the surface....romantic yes. Well played Seamen, well played.

We continued to chat and he told me about his ocean adventures in the Navy as we stared out into the wide ocean. He stood close to me and eventually warmed up and put his hand on teh small of my back as I leaned over the edge of the pier. He had won me over so far, yet I was still stand-off ish.

The pier was closing down for the night, so we walked back to the car. He asked me if I had to be going or if he could show me more Florida and I said yes. We got in the car and drove to "the causeway" (I think that is what it is called) which was not what I expected. It was a road right down the side of the bay, on one of the bridges that crossed the bay. It reminded me of those mountain cliffs that you see in movies where teenagers go to make out in cars etc. It was a great view, but I remained on guard. We continued to talk, windows rolled down with the sea breeze blowing in. I loved it.

Then, he finally did it.....he leaned in and kissed me. It was the WORST kiss of my entire life. He must have beenan arm wrestling fan, because he was definitely attempting to create a tounge wrestling match with my tounge and down my throat. His face was also like super prickly and felt like sandpaper against my cheeks.

I could play it off once, okay we got that out of the way, let's go home. But then, he wanted to do it OVER and OVER and my head, I'm screaming....LET's GO! I want to go get my car! Yet I was polite and participated but eventually said, I'm tired let's go.

I couldn't believe it, he seemed pretty good, nice, military, etc. But he was trying to choke me wih his tounge and wanted to make out like we were 14!! WHO DOES THAT????? Seriously....

So he took me back to my car at Starbucks, and OF COURSE had to kiss me AGAIN  Goodnight. I drove home while checking out my chin, which was red and hurt to the touch due to his rough sand paper face and I felt like I also had his drool on it....maybe the drool would moisturize the abrasion...gross.

Now this entry wouldn't be called A lot of Seamen, If I didn't go out with Seamen again, so yeah, I was dumb, but stay tuned for more of my semen Seamen stories.....

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