Wednesday, June 22, 2011


So, since I am such an amazing date, Seamen asked me out again the following night. Other than being a horrible horrible horrible kisser, and awkward kissing approach, and pretty much everything that had to do with being a smooth move maker...I had had a good time, well better than I had had on the couch at home, so I said yes. He was actually interesting, plus he was ummm....Super Hot and had a great body (from what I had seen in photos and he looked great in clothes). So I drove to Tampa and we went out for Mexican food. Really- FYI- Mexican food should be saved for later dates...greasy, bloaty, gassy, unattractive to eat food group. He had claimed that they had great Margaritas....

So maybe, this is where the side note comes in....I LOVE MARGARITAS. If I had a lock on my pants, the key would likely be shaped like a bottle of tequila, come with a pretty glass key chain, a lime key chain, and definitely salt. MUST have SALT! This is not a new thing- I have always loved Margaritas. I blame it on my mother. My mom used to go to work Happy Hours and have to take me along and I would always get a Shirley Temple or a Soda- but she would always let me have a sip of two of her margarita and I'm talking when I was ten and under....and so my love affair with margaritas began. In college, I didn't drink hardly at all, only a special functions or a summer day at  Fluffy's house, but I would mix up some margaritas at my apartment. For my 21st birthday, the girls knew I loved Margaritas and they all took me to a Mexican restaurant for my first legal 'ritas. In college, Fluffy would make me the most perfect margaritas and I would be dancing around the living room and pass out just in time for him to go out. During the summers after college, my mom and I would hit Happy Hour at one of the local Mexican places and both get a good buzz going on one or two. Yes......I said one or two. As much as I go out and party and try to meet people etc.....I have a LOW alcohol tolerance. Lately, I have been drinking A LOT more since I have been going out to bars so much trying to meet people, but I still have a low alcohol tolerance.

So, back to "the best margaritas," they were definitely not the best, but they were HUGE!!!! So at this time, I had moved to a city and hadn't been going out,  previous to that I lived in a city where I traveled all the time for work and hadn't been going out for about a year, so I pretty much had ZERO alcohol tolerance. I warned Seamen that I had a low tolerance- yet he still ordered me a HUGE one?? hmmm alternative motive?-and told him I might not want to drive that close to drinking them. He said that that was fine and we continued the date. We talked a lot, he more than I, and he did this weird talking thing...more on that later. And I slurped down 1/4 of my margarita and I was ummm...PPPPRRRREEETTTTTYYYY TIPSY. I again said that I was pretty good and he then said, if you need to sleep at my place you can. I pretty much knew if I drank that, his couch would be calling my name. Yet- I continued to drink it. He had almost finished his in the time I had drank a 1/4 of mine, and I think he ordered another one. I finished mine and I was wa-wa-wasted.

Then ......DUN DUN DUN......the check came....I feel like this is one of the most dreaded parts of any date.  I couldn't deal with the awkwardness and grabbed it right away and put my card in it- with out even looking-he didn't even CARE! Sorry dude, I know it is the 21st century an all, but I'm working part time looking for a real job and you're 28! Obviously if I didn't have the cash I wouldn't do it, but the thought that he didn't care at all or even really comment kind of bothers me, I need sooommmmmmeeeee chivalry. Guys are supposed to pay for sex...not girls (later on my theory of how guys pay on dates cause it leads to sex). Anyway, that was a small issue anyway...we still had the awkward talking and horrid kissing to deal with.

So then he's like, "we should go back to my place and watch a movie,"......UM NO! 1) Barely know you and that sounds like a hook up sesh 2) Hook up sesh means awkward moves and horrible kissing 3) I'm DRUNK let's party, Earlier in the night his friends had texted him and said they were doing the usual, playing trivia at their local hangout, so I suggested we go there and meet up with them, Trivia Nights are ALWAYS good. So he reluctantly called them and they were still there so we go to meet them.

Bar was smokey and had an interesting crowd but was fine for the circumstances. His friends consisted of two couples, which BTW is never a good group of friends to take a first/second date to, so we were all coupled up...How Cute....vomit. At least there were girls there, but then again where there are girls you walk in to the courtroom...that is because they are judging EVERY little thing the "new" girl does. Well let's just say I was wasted at this point, so the judges weren't too happy and if they could they would have likely put me in contempt.

Annnnnddddd I continued to drink, they had these Milky Way Martinis on special...delicious! So after two martinis later, the Seamen was the best thing since flavored lip balm and I was so interested in him and everything he said. He liked it a little too much...Mr. Cocky....oh well. Anyway, we continued the party after trivia at the bar next door where there was Karaoke. Now we were one of only two tables in the bar, yet there was a huge stage and Seamen decided to sing all kinds of songs. And he thought he was GGGGRRRRREEEAAAATTTT. I was drunk and ordered another drink (now up to 4) to listen to him. And he kept going up there, over and over and over and over, WHO DOES THAT? 

So I told him that I had never done Karaoke, well he had no part of I finally gave in and did it. My first and only time....apparently I was good, people actually talked about it the next day and the next time I saw them. (or maybe I was that bad and it was all a joke I have not yet been clued in on). I finished my performance just as two girls walked into the bar.

I sat back at the table and drunkenly said to the Seamen. "You have fucked that girl in the white shirt haven't you."  His face turned white and he said, "Uh, Uh, Uh, maybe..." "I could tell." "But I didn't even look at her or say anything to her." "I'm good like that."

This is when my blackout begins, but Seamen did have some great stories  to share with me in the morning, so I will relive them now.

So I obviously still thought he was amazing in my drunken state and I was in no condition to drive anywhere let alone walk out of the bar. He took me back to his place to crash for the night. He of course started kissing me when we got back to his place. I pull away from him and told him (I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THIS) "You are the worst kisser ever. You will never get in anyone's pants if you continue to kiss that way."


Well, it turned out that it was SUPER DRUNK BITCH to the rescue, because he actually liked the criticism and when I woke up in the morning and kissed him goodbye he had actually taken everything I had said and was actually a normal kisser. Apparently in my drunken state I had told him everything he was doing wrong etc. As I left that morning I felt so bad for being THAT DRUNK GIRL, and for being such a bitch and saying that to him, but then I thought if he is this coachable at kissing, what else (XXX) could he be coachable at....maybe he could get in my pants if he kept kissing the new and improved way.

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